In the Name of the King

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In the Name of the King
Brightlight Pictures
PG-13
Running Time: 2:10

A kingdom hangs in the balance as it relies on the resolve of its King and the bravery of a common man in this week's fantasy thriller; "In the Name of the King."

Believing a man takes the name of what he has become, "Farmer" (Jason Stratham) is just that; a farmer. Though well versed in the ways of war, he and his family live peacefully tending their crops and selling them at market. Perpetually about, the family's close friend Norick (Ron Perlman) helps keep an eye on things in the quiet hamlet.

The wizard Gallian (Ray Liotta) has other plans for the kingdom. He and Duke Fallow (Matthew Lillard) plan to overthrow the king with the help of the Krug (sound an Orc makes when sneezing) a beastly race of humanoids and some well placed poison.

King Konreid (Burt Reynolds) and his own magician Merick (Jon Rhys-Davies) are able to thwart the poisoned plan but not the Krug invasion. "Farmer" has his village and his family taken from him and goes about the task of hunting the Krug to find his wife. After an arduous journey, he finds himself alone against insurmountable odds. Beaten and left for dead he is found by Merick. After much cajoling, the King's magician persuades Konreid and "Farmer" to join together and face their common foe united. Will their combined might be enough to tip the scales in the favor of good?

Rarely does one have the opportunity to view a film of this caliber. At least, that is to say, outside of say as a Sci-Fi channel Original or "Ollie's Bargain Warehouse." Since viewing it I have been haunted by one daunting question: where does one begin to find the words to adequately describe the "Sistine Chapel of cinematic refuse?" I guess that's as good a place as any.

"King" is arguably the single most obvious attempt to skirt the borders of "Plagiarism-ville" I have ever been unlucky enough to sit through. If you took the "Lord of the Rings", subtracted the talent (production, writing and acting) and tried to condense 9 hours to 1:45 you would be left with a steaming pile resembling this gem. The film possessed the same degree of CGI (Computer Generated Imaging) competence as the average high school freshman uses for their My space account. And editing was obviously handled by a team of visually impaired primates. Nice job, Bubbles. BIG thanks for the vertigo.

Let us not allow the cast to avoid deserved scorn. Liotta, Perlman and Stratham should be crippled by shame at this point. Sobieski and Loken should have stayed hidden and Jon Rhys-Davies (Gimli to the LOTR faithful), how could you sir? Also, a note to casting directors putting Burt Reynolds in ill fitting Roman Legion finery and calling him "King" is akin to wrapping Jack Black in a sheet and calling him "Ghandi", only vastly less entertaining.

I cannot and WILL not recommend this film to anyone in any other capacity than what I find to be its true niche: cult classic larf. I know that is not what was intended by this production team, but alas it is their sole achievement aside from completion. As for me, I took away one thing from this "theatrical Waterloo" if a man really should take on the name of what he has become, call me: confounded.